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Guidelines for Divorcing Parents
DO:
Develop a workable plan that gives children access to both parents.
Keep ongoing contact with the children so they don't feel rejected or abandoned.
Continue reassuring children they can still count on both parents. Each parent is important.
Guard against canceling plans with children. Time spent with children should take highest priority.
Establish a home for the children with a place for their belongings (toys, clothes, etc.) with BOTH parents.
Maintain telephone contact with the children.
Have children ready for the other parent when for visitation.
Be home on time when children are being dropped off and/or picked up at your home.
Keep communication open with the other parent.
Make every attempt to help children to understand that your marital concerns are those of adults and are NOT for discussion at any time with the children.
Encourage children to speak freely of their time and experiences regardless of the parent with whom they shared those experiences with.
Try to spend one-one-one time occasionally with each of your children.
Let children take items that are important to them to the other parent's home.
Allow children to express their feelings about the divorce.
DON'T:
Try not to be the "Disneyland" parent. Children need rules and boundaries at both homes.
Pump the children for information about the other parent, relatives or someone else children care for.
Try to control the other parent. Do not try to design his or her style of parenting.
Use the children as messengers.
Use children to deliver support payments. Finances should NOT be discussed with children at any time. Children do not support themselves and thus have no way of influencing support. Discussing lack of money leaves children feeling helpless.
Argue in front of the children.
Talk negatively about the other parent in front of children. Children should not feel like they have to take sides.
Ask children with whom they want to live. Try to let them be with both parents as much as possible.
Use children as means to hurt or anger the other parent.
Discuss any legal issues with the children.
Ask your children to keep secrets.
Imply you are a better parent.
Use children as a confidante. They are your children, not friends.
Interrupt the other parent's parenting time by calling incessantly or planning other desirable activities.
Blame the other parent for the divorce.
Ignore the other parent or sit on opposite sides of a room during school or sports activities.
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