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Tips For Better Communication With Your Teen
Try to be free from judgment. Your teen is judged enough by his or her peers everyday. Every teen has a need to feel that who they are at any given moment is okay. Often, when teens feel judged or rejection from parents, they turn to the peer group for acceptance. Try offering an opinion without making a judgment.
Get to know their friends. Offer to have get-togethers at your home. Invite the group over for pizza. Offer to drive someone home. You don’t need to have sit-down conversations to get to know your teen’s friends….being in the same room with them will often give you plenty of information about their character.
Familiarize yourself with what they’re interested in. This sends a message that you are interested in THEM. You may not like their music, what they want to watch, or what they do in their free time. However, offering to learn about what and who they spend time with tells your teen that you accept them.
Have 1:1 time and let them pick the activity. Every teen needs 1:1 time with each parent. This doesn’t have to be hours of time, even twenty minutes can suffice. Try scheduling a set time every week, i.e. Sunday afternoon between 3:00 – 3:45. This way, when life gets busy, quality time will not get overlooked. In addition, it gives your teen something to look forward to and something stable when other things in their life may appear to be unstable to them.
Be available! Try to refrain from saying “in a minute” or “wait until I’m done with…..” Granted, sometimes you really can’t pull away from what you are doing. However, keep in mind that teens are going to talk to you on when it is convenient and comfortable for THEM. Trying to reduce making these statements will help in letting your teen know that you are available when they need you.
LISTEN – don’t give advice unless your teen asks for it. Often, teens need to vent and need acknowledgement and validation for their feelings. Giving too much advice when it is not asked for will send a message to your teen that you are more focused on telling them what they “should do” and not listening to what they are saying.
Don’t be afraid to be a parent! Often, parents run into trouble when they try too hard for their teens to like them, or they try to be a friend more than a parent. Remember: adolescence is hallmarked by constant change and flux. Impulsiveness, poor decision making and immaturity are common, typical behaviors during this period. Teens don’t need a buddy. They need guidance, boundaries and rules in order to learn how to organize themselves and navigate into adulthood. The best person to provide this to them is their parents. Sometimes it is hard to do the right thing as a parent and know that your teen may harbor negative feelings towards you for a while. When this happens, know that it will pass. Guaranteed.
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